Pastors are called to be listeners—not just hearers, but soulfully present companions. Through seasons of crisis, conflict, and change, the role of a listening shepherd has never been more vital. People long to be seen, known, and understood. They don’t just want to be heard—they want their stories to matter. They want their voices to rise above the noise and be gently received.
If you’ve noticed this hunger in those you serve, you’ve likely felt how challenging it can be to truly listen. Listening well costs us something. It stretches the mind, demands the heart, and requires a steady posture of compassion and focus.
Aaron Perry, in Kairos Care: A Process for Pastoral Counseling in the Office and in Everyday Encounters, names five barriers to good listening—and invites us to overcome them not with shame, but with spiritual grounding and grace. Below, we reflect on these barriers and offer encouragement for each one, knowing that Jesus Himself is the Good Listener, always patient with our own stories.
“Pastoral Encouragement: Ask the Spirit to shape your heart like Christ’s—open to the ones others might overlook.”
1. Chaotic Content
Some conversations don’t follow a clear arc. There’s no obvious plot, no neat resolution. Often, people come to us not because their story makes sense—but because it doesn’t. They need a place to process what’s confusing or broken.
We long for structure, but God meets us even in the chaos. Remember: on the cross, Christ entered the confusion and meaninglessness of human suffering. His presence brings peace even when clarity has not yet come.
Reflection:
Am I willing to sit with someone in the unresolved? Do my own spiritual practices strengthen my ability to hold space for another’s ambiguity?
Pastoral Encouragement:
You don’t have to make sense of the story while you’re listening. Just trust that your presence is part of God’s redemptive work.
2. Hurry
Listening can’t be rushed. But ministry life is full, and we’re often tempted to “squeeze in” important conversations. Yet hurry is the enemy of presence.
The most meaningful ministry moments often come in the margins—but they require space. Listening isn’t about fixing—it’s about slowing down enough to love well.
Reflection:
When do I catch myself hurrying people? What helps me slow down and offer presence instead of productivity?
Pastoral Encouragement:
God isn’t measuring your ministry by your output, but by your love. Create space to listen, and trust that time spent with one soul matters deeply.
3. Attitude
It’s easy—often without realizing it—to become more available to some than to others. To feel drawn to the “easier” conversations and avoid the ones that feel complicated or draining. But the cross makes space for every person, and Jesus’ invitation to come near extends to all.
Listening is an act of hospitality. When we open our hearts and ears to someone, we are saying, “You matter to God. You are welcome here.”
Reflection:
Are there people I unconsciously avoid listening to? Who might need to be reminded that they are seen and valued?
Pastoral Encouragement:
Ask the Spirit to shape your heart like Christ’s—open to the ones others might overlook. Train others in your church to share this sacred work.
4. Offense
Sometimes, people say things that sting—because they hit old wounds, reopen past hurts, or even trigger unhealed parts of our own story. When that happens, listening becomes painful, and our defenses quietly rise.
But the cross speaks a louder word than our offenses. Both the pain we’ve suffered and the pain we’ve caused were taken up by Christ. Forgiveness frees us to stay present, even when it's hard.
Reflection:
Is there a person or a comment that I haven’t been able to listen to with grace? What do I need to lay at the foot of the cross?
Pastoral Encouragement:
You’re not alone in the hard stories. Bring your own wounds to a trusted friend or counselor. Let someone speak forgiveness over you, too.
5. Scarcity
Listening takes more than time—it takes heart. And when your emotional reserves are low, even a gentle conversation can feel overwhelming. But God has not left you to minister from emptiness. He has given you His Spirit and His presence.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is pause and receive before you pour out. Ask Him: Am I doing what You’ve asked me to do—or just what others expect of me?
Reflection:
Where is my soul depleted? What replenishes me and fills my capacity to listen again?
Pastoral Encouragement:
God is not asking you to carry more than you’re able. Let Him renew your soul through rest, reflection, and grace-filled boundaries.
A Final Word
Listening is more than a ministry skill—it is a sacred act of love. When you slow down, stay present, and set aside your agenda to truly hear someone, you are echoing the heart of Christ.
So be kind to yourself as you grow in this. Let the Spirit shape you as both shepherd and listener. And remember—God is always listening to you, too.
